It was just last Friday. The time was 7:00am, the sky was blue and it was already warm out. It was going to be a hot one. TGIF, praise God the weekend was here! I walked into my kitchen, ready to fire up the ovens and get to work. However, like most of us, I decided to take one last look through social media, Instagram to be exact. But wait, “ What’s this? This has got to be some sick joke, “ I said to myself, “That’s my boy, he’s good. But that repost is from CNN. God please tell me this is a joke!” So then I went on a quick fact-checking quest and there it was all over the internet, “Anthony Bourdain dead at the age of 61.” Never could I have imagined someone so distant but yet so familiar, have such an impact on me. The news of his death sank deep.

In the day and age where news is only news within the few hours it hits the internet, why on earth am I writing about something that happened last week for goodness sake?!? Well here is the deal, in the food world we lost a big one that day, and even a week later I have friends in the community still calling/ talking to me about it. The amount of colleagues and comrades I’ve talked to who are still shook about his passing are numerous.

Tony Bourdain was a man respected by many because he did NOT sugar coat anything. He shot straight from the hip and told it how it was. Being a chef for a majority of the population is not this shiny glamorous job that so many paint it out to be on television. There are long hours, bad working conditions, quite often crap pay and many are in debt…make that huge debt if you went to cooking school. He let culinary students know that and told people to not take their decision lightly, should they choose this path. And so many of us looked at Bourdain as a man who overcame his heroin addiction, got out of debt, did what he loved, worked hard and voila, his hard work paid off. There was hope for us all. But what so many of us did not see was the troubled man under all the polish.

This is the food service industry. Many cooks nowadays are doing what they love. We go to battle every night on the hotline, next to our brothers and sisters. We can literally experience the trinity on the line: blood, sweat and tears. Trust me I’ve seen and experienced it all! It’s hard flipping work. We often enjoy a drink, or few, at some random dive bar when the shift ends around 1:00am. Some of us are addicted to the lifestyle. We get beat up every service but keep coming back for more. You become family, but so many of us have no clue what’s really going on underneath the egos, the laughs and the love for our craft. I have culinary friends here in New York City and all the way across the world. Over the past week I’ve received calls and text messages asking one simple but very sincere question: Is everything okay? Friends were checking up on friends wanting to know how they were doing. Did you need anything? How is life? Are you good?

It’s easy to hide a lot of pain in our industry. Hell, we are like vampires anyway. Restaurant life is nocturnal, sleeping during the day and wired at night. That pattern alone is enough to make a person go mad. But then add on other major factors like being in debt, working under a crazy chef, and not being where you thought you’d be in life. Now that is a recipe for disaster. It commonly goes unnoticed because a huge layer of sarcasm masks it all.

But what happens if you are that glamorous chef? That was Tony. He made it. A good friend of mine said to me, “ People keep praising him for overcoming his demons inside. But in the end he lost to them, what does that say for the rest of us?” For me, that text message hit me hard. So what does that mean for the rest of us? It means we are not in it alone and we need each other. We all have our issues. Fame, money and success don’t make certain issues disappear. It’s okay to say your drowning. And sometimes that means we just need to listen and be a sounding board to others. Encourage others. We all have problems. My problems might not look like yours, but pick your poison. Health is wealth and that includes mental health. It’s okay to say you need a break at times and step away from it all. Find a family member, a friend, someone to talk to. You are going to be okay.

I’m grateful for Bourdain’s hard work and passion. He brought many social issues to the table but by putting humanity at the forefront. He made us see the people behind certain world issues. He encouraged more people to get out, travel no matter how near or far. Try new foods and make friends. I am grateful for your voice for those who did not have one. I’m grateful for your writings and television shows. And thank you for always being you and saying it how it is. I pray you have found peace and joy and are eating a great meal somewhere.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255